1 in 8: NIAW 2017

Hi friends, this week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). NIAW was started by Resolve, an organization dedicated to empowering those struggling with infertility through knowledge, community, and advocacy. This year’s theme is Listen UP! When I first saw the theme, my introverted self thought it was a little harsh. But after reading over it a few times, can I just say that those of us struggling with infertility need people to Listen UP!

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples! This means that you probably know more than one family struggling to get pregnant right now. Because infertility is so personal, many couples go months and years without telling anyone. Months of hoping and waiting and yet seeing negative pregnancy tests. Years of cycling through emotions of excitement, hope, fear, brokenness, anger, jealously, loneliness, and intense grief. The emotional stress coupled with physical and mental symptoms such as PCOS, endometriosis, male factor infertility, depression, and anxiety makes for a truly horrible disease.

Robert and I have been blessed to have so many people supporting us through our infertility. We have been fairly open about our journey, but there have still been times when it was difficult to start the conversation. If you know someone who is going through infertility, thank you for reading this and for caring for those struggling to grow their family. If you are wondering how you can uplift your hurting friend or family member - Listen Up! I honestly believe that the most encouraging thing you can do for someone struggling through infertility is to ask how they are doing and be there to listen on days they need to talk. Trust me when I tell you that your infertile friend does not need family planning, adoption, or fertility treatment advice. They have already read and re-read all the treatment options. They have heard every story about a friend of a friend that went through infertility, and once they stopped trying and relaxed they ended up with triplets! They just need someone to love them through this truly horrible season of life.

If you are reading this today and you feel alone in your infertility, my heart breaks for you. Can I just tell you though, you are not alone. It is completely normal to feel hurt and need time to grieve over the losses you are going through. I remember the first thing I grieved was having a big surprise baby announcement for my husband and family. I grieved not being able to “just relax” and get pregnant. I grieved the timeline I had in my mind for when we would have a family. There were many things that we grieved. So my best advice for you is to take time to grieve. Don’t view this grieving process as letting go of your dreams but allowing your heart to heal from your losses. Give yourself time and grace with your thoughts and feelings, and remember not to let the feelings of isolation and depression keep you from reaching out for support. Here are a few things that have been a huge help to me over the years of infertility:

1. Find a doctor that listens to you and that you trust. FertilityIQ and SART are wonderful resources for finding a good fertility clinic in your area.

2. Confide in one or two trusted friends or family members. Let them know you are struggling, and be patient with them as they learn what to say and not say.

3. Join an online infertility community that fits you. This one was so important for me. I started researching infertility bloggers and looking for a community early on, but it took me a while to find a group of women that I really connected with. Since everyone handles infertility differently, you will relate to some people and stories more than others. Two of my favorite resources are the blog Trials Bring Joy and the In The Wait Bible study. Out of all the authors I have read during my infertility journey, Chelsea is one of my favorites. My heart will be forever grateful to her and all the women behind the In the Wait study. It truly changed my perspective and my heart on infertility.

4. If you need someone to talk to, email me or find me on social media. I would love to talk with you or pray with you.

Even though we are in the midst of our first IVF cycle and hopeful that our doctor will be able to help us conceive, we are still walking on down the infertility road. The struggles and pains are different now than they were last year or the year before, but we will always be a part of the 1 in 8. Although it’s not the path we would have chosen, we are thankful for where God has brought us and how he is working in our lives.

With Love & Ever Expecting,

Ashton

#niaw